Saguaro Spirit

"Saguaro Spirit"
pencil sketch

 I'm back!  I have done a few sketches in my (online) absence, and these are the most recent ones.  Today begins the renewal of my goal of drawing every day.  "Saguaro Spirit" is a free-hand, no reference sketch.  I was thinking of my horse, Lola, and how she often peers out of her stall down towards the pasture and the pond at the bottom.  My spirit horses seem to be the most unique and fun expression of my style, so I will probably be spending a lot more time on them.  I will eventually translate this from quick sketches to large paintings.  This style and subject would have great presence in a larger format.

"Thinking of Dali's Elephants"
pen sketch

I'd like to say that the disproportionate conformation of this horse was intentional, but it was purely accident.  My brain was probably shocked that I was asking it to draw again.  As you can see, head, neck, and body are all proportionate to one another- but something disconnected when it came to drawing the legs.  They became elongated and large, a grown horse with foal's legs.  However, it is not an unpleasant effect, and perhaps even benefits the drawing with artistic license.  I may try to replicate the style on purpose in the near future.

Carrots

"Carrots"
pencil sketch

I have been eating more vegetables lately in my quest to reduce my consumption of meat, and had the good fortune of eating some carrots from a CSA.  These farm fresh carrots still had a bit of dirt on them and their luscious green tops intact.  I used the tops in a home-made vegetable stock which turned out fabulous; the carrots complemented my vegan potato cabbage soup.  Take the taste of carrot and add a little more sharpness and sweetness- they were wonderful.  So wonderful, in fact, that they inspired me to do a quick sketch of their earthly form.  I enjoyed the whimsical composition of this piece, as if someone had joyously tossed these glorious roots into the air.  I'm thinking of doing a series of work with the subject matter focused on humble, simple things of everyday life- the things in life that truly matter to me.  I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what I want in life, and have discovered that I already have it.  My new goal is to actively appreciate my wonderful, simple life, and to not overcomplicate things by worrying so much.

Butterfly and Coneflower

"Butterfly and Coneflower"
pencil sketch

In the search for direction in life (a master's degree, maybe?) and in the process of re-reading Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, I have let my art blog fall to the wayside.  It is past time that I return to the dedication of my art.

I did this sketch a few weeks ago now.  The coneflowers (echinacea) in my garden are in full bloom as we speak.  We planted the flower bed late in the season last year in our new house- in August, if I recall correctly.  Most of our perennials came back bigger, better, and stronger.  Only my fancy rudbeckia did not return.  I have only a little more room in the front bed, but I do love rudbeckia so.  It's sort of my namesake, after all.  This time, I think I will only get the simple and hardy wild type- just the bright yellow petals and the velvety centers which give them their common name, Black-eyed Susan.

Wildebeest

"Wildebeest"
graphite

It's rare for me to watch any sort of television, but when I'm not feeling well, I will watch Netflix.  Last night, I saw a documentary on wildebeest, which Wikipedia tells me are also called gnu (a quick check on Dictionary.com confirmed this).  I've always been somewhat biased against wildebeest, since they are the cause of Mufasa's death in the Lion King.  As a six year old, that particular scene was quite scarring.  However, two decades later, I can identify that it wasn't the fault of the wildebeest, and I curiously clicked on the Netflix documentary.  I was impressed by this hardy animal, which undergoes the longest land migration of any mammal and faces a multitude of threats in order to survive.  Their flowing locks reminded me of the barbaric splendor of Khal Drogo's hair.  It was in fact their mane which I most wanted to draw.

While not as aesthetically pleasing as their zebra compatriots, there is a certain beauty in the lanky gnu.  They are expressive and when not escaping from lions and cheetahs and hyenas (oh my), engage in playful behavior- a young calf displayed a lovely passage that any high level dressage horse would be proud to achieve.  The gnu embodies the will to live despite the dangers of its everyday life, and that inspired me to create this sketch. And, you know, they kind of remind me of horses, and I really like horses.

Return of the Spirit Horse

"Spirit Walking"
pencil

I began this drawing by focusing on the negative space surrounding the horse, as opposed to the horse itself.  The horse in the picture captured my attention with his expression and energy at the walk.  When I first began drawing the negative space, it didn't look very good- but then as I continued, I saw that the proportions of the horse turned out very well indeed, and it helped me create a better composition than usual.  Since the reference photo was a bit blurry, I decided I would return to my previous phase of "spirit" horses and enjoy the zen-like feeling of drawing squiggly lines and shapes within its body.  I did start working on this drawing on Paint, but my patience and enjoyment was at an end- so that will be a project for another time.  I envision this horse to be all tints and shades of turquoise, with a white mane and tail, on a warm, earthen background.  The trip to the Southwest is rapidly approaching, and I hope to find some personal inspiration and guidance during my adventure.  This drawing, for me, captures that hope and possibility.

Rose-breasted Grosbeak

"Rose-breasted Grosbeak"
graphite
small leather sketchbook

My father told me on Sunday to keep an eye on my bird feeder for rose-breasted grosbeak, as he had seen them near his more southerly home.  They are migrating north to their nesting grounds, and were likely to pass through my neighborhood.  Sure enough, on Monday morning as I was looking out my kitchen window, I saw a single male rose-breasted grosbeak.  Throughout the day, I saw the same group of three males and one female visit my feeder.  The males would often have little spats, one hovering as the other prevented him from landing.  It was a beautiful day, and I had all the windows open in my house, so I could hear their plaintive calls wherever I was.  Dad said "It's like sneakers on a gym floor" but the noise seems so soft and subdued to me, that it's more like mice wearing sneakers on a gym floor.  These feisty and attractive seed-eaters were the inspiration for this sketch.

"Dun Lusitano" graphite sketch

"Dun Lusitano"
graphite
small leather sketchbook

I decide to return to a more realistic style after feeling inspired by talking horses with a friend of mine.  There's a dun mare who graduated from the Rutgers Young Horse research program available for lease in my area, and I am deeply tempted to meet her.  She looks like a gorgeous, friendly animal, and was the reason for my Google search "dun horse."

This horse's confirmation looks good and well-formed, except for the fact that his head is too big.  I actually began with the head, when it is usually better to have a rough drawing of the whole horse first.  The latter methodology can help you catch any disproportions and other mistakes.  I also began too low down on my page, and as I wanted to draw all of the horse or as much as possible, some subconscious shrinkage occurred from the shoulder back.  It's most noticeable in the hindquarters.  I did not have a blending stick, so I used a finger to lightly shade the horse and went over darker areas again with my pencil.  The drawing does not have a finished feel to it but retains its sketch characteristics.  I would like to heighten the contrast and tighten up some of the pencil strokes.  I have noticed that my pencil sketches of horses do have a similar style, although I haven't quite figured out how to describe it yet.

Galloping Spirit and Remembered Passion

"Galloping Spirit"
graphite
small leather sketchbook

I read today that passions are remembered, and not found.  Looking back at my childhood, all I wanted was to be with horses.  I loved everything about them- their graceful conformation, the way they moved, their beauty and grace, their scent, and the deep connection and understanding that is possible between horse and human.  I ached for and thrived on that connection of trust, understanding, and respect.  The challenge and thrill of riding was just a bonus.

It's been over a year since the last time I have sat on a horse, the longest hiatus from riding that I have ever taken.  Something inside grows quieter every day as I give myself over to my post-graduate life.  40 hours working, 10 hours commuting, every week.  Financial obligations silence any protest I might have at this lifestyle (student loans, I'm looking at you).  I do have a wonderful life, a wonderful home, a wonderful partner.  I'll be frank: as an art major, I am amazed that I have a job which pays all my bills.  I never expected even this much.

Drawing is not something that I love.  It's a different type of relationship, a painstaking journey that I hope to love one day when I can forgive myself for not being perfect or especially talented.  It's self-exploration on paper.  I only like to draw things that I like or am interested by, not necessarily to draw for drawing's sake.

I resigned myself to the fact that it was highly unlikely I would ever have a full-time job working with horses that could also support my other wants and needs, certainly not when starting with a negative net value.  Horses require a great sacrifice of time and money.  I once was given the advice to leave my boyfriend and give up my home so that I could fully commit to gaining the experience required by the field.  I chose not to violate my comfort zone in such a manner.  I don't think it was a mistake, but now I have to be more creative in figuring out how to work horses into my life.  My desire to have my cake and eat it too will require courage to accomplish.

Arabian stallion sketch, v2.0

"At Attention"
graphite sketch
small leather sketchbook

I was still feeling attracted to the theme of black Arabian stallions, perhaps from having looked over my bookshelves and seeing Walter Farley's The Black Stallion.  This was the result of having spent about 45 minutes sketching from an online photo.  It's been very difficult for me to muster up the same enthusiasm to draw at least every week day as when I started this blog, but that's why I set parameters for myself such as running an ideal blog post schedule of every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

The end of the holidays and the old year lead to a sort of limbo in the beginning of the new year for me; no major holidays to plan for, a relatively clean slate, but rather forbidding weather.  Despite the rain and ice-covered sidewalks, I still walked my beagle this morning for our usual thirty-five minutes; I have no wish for my dog walker to risk life and limb in this weather.  As soon as I got back home, I wanted nothing more then to put my pajamas back on and resume watching nature documentaries on Netflix.  Instead, I salted down my bit of sidewalk, got in my car, and headed off to my 9-5.  

Resisting the urge to hibernate is a real struggle, including when it conflicts with my creative impulse.  This is part of the reason that I have not created anything on a larger scale than my little sketchbook recently.  I also will reluctantly admit that I haven't yet finished matting, framing, and taking my prints off to the floral shop.  One of my New Year's resolutions is to complete this goal before the end of January.  Today, I am considering opening up a Fine Art America or SmugMug account to further spread my art and potentially sell a print or two.

Sketch Friday

After reading an article about what differentiates a professional artist from the amateur, I decided that I would get out my sketchbook and draw, even if what I really wanted to do was pass out, face down, on my desk.  But, the professional artist does not wait for inspiration to strike.  Instead, she works at something every day.

The first drawing was so-so.  I drew this Newfoundland's face quickly, focusing on how large different patches of fur were and the lighting of each to determine my proportions.  As you can see, I ended up drawing over the original sketch.  For a little bit, I had a lopsided, four-eyed dog staring back at me from the page.  It was pretty trippy.  Now the dog is only slightly lop-sided, and because I did everything in pen, you can see that the dog's face was just a little too wide at first.  Okay, a lot too wide.  It doesn't have to be perfect, I chanted to myself as I slogged away at it.

Why do you do this to me.

It may be much less than perfect, but that dog is looking at you exactly the way that I wanted to look at everyone yesterday.

Ugh.  Feed me and tuck me in someplace cozy already.

That took roughly an hour and a half, and I had plenty of drawing time left.  It was time to go back to the old standby topic of interest- horses!  I was much more satisfied with this one, and I even reminded myself of Wesley Dennis's illustrations, who is best known today for his work with author Marguerite Henry.  Dapple gray is a difficult coat pattern to draw, by the way.  It requires quite a lot of patience and concentration for all of that detail.  That is where the beauty of suggestion comes in handy.  I think that this is the first drawing of two horses doing something other than standing around looking pretty that I've done in a while, and I used two reference photos for the composition.

"Tag"
graphite
small leather sketchbook

Sometimes I draw stuff other than horses. But mostly I draw horses.

I am in the process of working on an exhaustingly detailed (for me, anyway) graphite drawing of a Suffolk Punch team.  Draft horses have been very appealing to draw for me lately.  Their thicker, more muscular conformation allows me to diversify my equine portfolio, and I also don't want civilization to forget about these strong animals, without whom so much agricultural work was nigh impossible.  Also, war horses.  Do you really think anything but a big draft type could handle The Mountain That Rides?

"Suffolk Punch Team"- work in progress
graphite
11x13

 I really, really want this to be a great piece.  The reference photo is just gorgeous, and I want to do it justice.  However, I need to keep reminding myself that it doesn't have to be good at all, that I just have to try and all will be well.  Like so many others out there, I struggle with being far too harsh on myself, and I want art to keep being fun for me, after so long of it feeling like a chore.  For now, this is just a graphite piece, but I may add pen for some boldness.  It's about four hours in, and many more to go.  Just figuring out the contour lines was an excruciating two hours.   I unfortunately forgot my pencil on Thursday, so I did a sketch of my beagle, Brucie, instead.  This one took about two hours.  What is this?  She does stuff other than horses? I can hear you asking.  Why yes, yes I do.  But horses are my favorite.

"Brucie"
pen sketch
small leather sketchbook

"Jumper"

"Jumper"
graphite sketch
small leather sketchbook

I spent about an hour sketching this horse and rider, working from a photo which originally had a vertical jump in it.  The jump was obscuring the horse's hind legs, and I wanted to capture the strength of this horse's leap, so I did not incorporate the jump into the drawing.

The rider was probably the easiest part; I tried very hard not to draw my pre-conceived notion of a human and focused instead on angles and shapes in relation to the horse.  Lately I've noticed that I've improved in paying attention to the negative space which "outlines" objects in reference photos, which results in a more accurate drawing.

There's a lot of Western style equine and equestrian portraits, but not as many English style riding works of art.  I appreciate both styles, but have spent most of my riding time in an English saddle.  If I am going to draw mounted horses, I am leaning towards focusing on what I am most familiar with (and what subjects are most readily available in my geographical area).

Professional Goals

"What are your professional goals?"

A partial answer to this question required many hours of soul searching and research on what that actually means.  I graduated with a B.A. from Rutgers University in Visual Arts, after a long and twisty academic career involving transferring from community college and not one but two changes in degree.

When I graduated high school, I knew that I was going to be an artist and equine sports massage therapist.  I had always been an artist of sorts, drawing childish fox cartoons since age six and doodling my way through middle and high school with the occasional decent artwork being produced, and I had always loved horses.  In particular, I loved to draw horses.

During my senior year of high school, a painting class was available to me as an elective.  It was the first class of my day and had the advantage of being my home room.  For the first time, I was motivated to come to school early and start painting.  I was introduced to my second art inspiration, Leslie Ann Webb, who makes large and gorgeous equine portraits (my first inspiration being Yoshitaka Amano, since my brothers and I enjoyed the Final Fantasy videogame series).  I thought to myself, "I could do that too!"

Did I need to go to college for any of this?  No.  However, going to college (somewhat against my will) did expose me to more artists, like Franz Marc, encouraged me to create more art, and helped me develop as a person.  I find that my community college experience was much more positive and confidence-building than my time at Mason Gross.  I felt disjointed, disconnected, and directionless while at Mason Gross, and ironically, I began to lose my passion for art. These feelings only recently began to change.  Maybe it would have been different if I wasn't a transfer student; I don't know.  I turned away from art and to animal science for a time, until I realized that my scholarship was running out and I was burning out.  I came back to the arts out of desperation to finish a degree, any degree, before I amassed even more debt.  I lost my sense of self somewhere in there.

I graduated a little over two years ago, and I work a full time job that has nothing to do with art or horses.  It does, however, pay my bills, and I have a lot of time to think.  Much of my job consists of not doing very much, and the hours can become quite tedious.  I picked up pen and pencil to paper to while away the time.  My mom noticed that I have not been drawing or horseback riding lately, which had been two of my defining characteristics as a child and young adult, and picked up some art supplies to encourage and support me.  I began to receive compliments and encouragement from the people in my building on my drawings.  They began to ask me, "What have you drawn today?"

"Wow, you drew that?  It's beautiful!  You should have an art show!"

"I have a friend who owns a coffee shop.  I will talk to her and let her know a friend of mine is interested in displaying some small, framed prints.  Maybe she can sell them for you.  Tell her I sent you."

These comments coincide with me going through the process of reconnecting with myself and the question I was trying to answer.  What are my professional goals?  As I thought about it, and wrote about it, it was increasingly clear that what I want is not a desk job or even any semblance to a 9-5, working for someone else.  One of the best questions that I found helpful was this, especially since many of my decisions have been based on the need for money to survive:

"What would I want to do today if I had no financial worries?"

Of my answers, these stuck out most to me: "Take pictures of and draw horses, develop a website for my art, and go to the Met."

Suddenly, I had the answer.  I have a dream in addition to my dear home and family.  I want to become a professional artist.  After literally years of waivering, I have the commitment, the focus, and the passion, right now, to continue this journey.