Galloping Spirit and Remembered Passion

"Galloping Spirit"
graphite
small leather sketchbook

I read today that passions are remembered, and not found.  Looking back at my childhood, all I wanted was to be with horses.  I loved everything about them- their graceful conformation, the way they moved, their beauty and grace, their scent, and the deep connection and understanding that is possible between horse and human.  I ached for and thrived on that connection of trust, understanding, and respect.  The challenge and thrill of riding was just a bonus.

It's been over a year since the last time I have sat on a horse, the longest hiatus from riding that I have ever taken.  Something inside grows quieter every day as I give myself over to my post-graduate life.  40 hours working, 10 hours commuting, every week.  Financial obligations silence any protest I might have at this lifestyle (student loans, I'm looking at you).  I do have a wonderful life, a wonderful home, a wonderful partner.  I'll be frank: as an art major, I am amazed that I have a job which pays all my bills.  I never expected even this much.

Drawing is not something that I love.  It's a different type of relationship, a painstaking journey that I hope to love one day when I can forgive myself for not being perfect or especially talented.  It's self-exploration on paper.  I only like to draw things that I like or am interested by, not necessarily to draw for drawing's sake.

I resigned myself to the fact that it was highly unlikely I would ever have a full-time job working with horses that could also support my other wants and needs, certainly not when starting with a negative net value.  Horses require a great sacrifice of time and money.  I once was given the advice to leave my boyfriend and give up my home so that I could fully commit to gaining the experience required by the field.  I chose not to violate my comfort zone in such a manner.  I don't think it was a mistake, but now I have to be more creative in figuring out how to work horses into my life.  My desire to have my cake and eat it too will require courage to accomplish.